Dear Cole
by Mickis
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Phoebe wrote in her letter to Cole? The goodbye letter she wrote in 'Long Live the Queen'. How was she able to leave Cole and their love behind her, and what drove her to it? This is my version of Phoebe's goodbyes.


Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed and never will, sadly. However. It wont stop me from borrowing its characters to write my own stories and versions of what I believe should have been.  
  
Remember in 'Long Live the Queen' where Phoebe wrote two letters. One saying goodbye to her sisters and one saying goodbye to Cole. Have you ever wondered what was in that letter? The letter Cole never got, but instead he was vanquished.  
I decided to write my own version of that particular letter. To understand why Phoebe acted the way she did in season 5. Why she admitted she loved him, only to move on without him. And I have to confess to you guys, it was hard. It was really hard to put myself in Phoebe's position, when I never understood why she acted the way she did. Why she gave up.  
I guess it's hard for me to understand because Phoebe and I are very different. I wouldn't just give up the way she did. I would rather go down - fighting.   
But, I tried to put myself in her position. Seeing the world through her eyes. I imagined myself being her, as I sat down and wrote this letter. I hope you like it. As much as anyone can like Phoebe sending a 'goodbye letter' to Cole.  
Please review and tell me what you think of it. Of the things you liked and the things you disliked. Tell me what you think of Phoebe for giving up on love. Do you understand why she did it? Did this letter in anyway help you understand?  
I guess I understand now. Still, I don't approve of it - and I never will.   
  
  
* * * * *  
  
Cole.  
  
During my life, people have said to me that some things are worth fighting for. Up until I met you, I never understood what they meant. You promised me that no matter how high the mountain was - it would be worth it. Because you would be standing on its top, waiting for me, embracing me. And there, on the top of the mountain, I would stay safe in your arms - forever.   
From the moment I realized I loved you, I never gave up fighting. I have fought so hard, we both have. Along the way I lost so many things; my life, my destiny... even my sisters.   
But through it all, I never stopped believing it was worth it. You were worth fighting for.  
Lately, I've come to realize something that has broken my heart and left me in tears. I have opened my eyes to the truth I've been hiding from for so long. I didn't want to know the truth. Instead, I kept believing that it was worth it. That no matter how much it hurt or how much I lost - it would still be worth it. But I couldn't hide from the truth forever. The truth has now come for me and beaten me senseless with its cruel reality.   
Cole, maybe it's not worth it. Maybe we're not worth this fight.  
I have risked my life so many times, climbing that mountain. I know I wouldn't survive going up there again. This time, I don't have the strength to reach you. I don't have the power to fight for us.  
I know it will be hard to live on without you by my side. To breathe without your arms around me. I know how much colder the world will be when you're not here with me. How much I'll regret this decision when I wake up alone in my bed, not having you beside me. I know there will be nights when I'll cry myself to sleep, whispering your name in the dark. I know how much it will hurt to face the rest of my life without the person I was suppose to share eternity with - without you. Cole, I know I'll miss you for the rest of my life. But it's a pain I'll have to live with - if I wish to survive.  
I'm sorry to leave you this letter, but I have to walk away this time. I have to put us behind me. It's a dream too dangerous to keep. A price too high for me to pay.  
I am so sorry, Cole. I love you like no one I've ever loved or ever will again. You saw something in me I didn't even know was there, and for that I will always be grateful to you.  
Because of how much I love you, this decision is the hardest I've ever had to make. Unfortunately, I know I've made the right one. I hope you understand, Cole. This does not mean I love you any less. It's just... We have fought so hard to be together, and still - it's not enough. No matter how many obstacles we overcome, there will always be another one ahead of us. I don't have any strength left inside of me. I don't have the power to keep fighting.   
Please understand why I'm doing this. Why I have to do this. And please remember how much I love you. How much I'll always love you.  
Perhaps our souls will meet again - in a different lifetime. A lifetime where our mountain won't be too steep to climb. Perhaps there, we'll receive the chance they never gave us here. Perhaps...  
Thank you for the time I had you in my life. I'll always keep the memory of you - of us, in my heart, where I'll cherish it forever. Goodbye, Cole. Thank you for loving me like only you can.  
  
  
I'll never stop loving you.   
/ Phoebe  
  
* * * * * 


End file.
